President Bola Tinubu’s government has something in common with the Nigerian music industry - both cater for Nigerians across party lines! That was the message of the President of the Senate, Godswill Akpabio to Davido, the Afrobeat Star, who paid him a courtesy visit on May 19, 2024. Akpabio told the music star, whose real name is David Adedeji Adeleke: "For me and for the government of President Bola Ahmed Tinubu, its an inclusive administration, and you must have noticed in my various outings, we move as one, across party lines. "Even though your administration is a PDP one but we work across party lines for the interest of Nigeria. The only major thing that is common to all of us is the interest of this country and it is a country that has given you so much love”. While advising Davido to avoid being dragged into politics, he promised that the lawmakers will do everything possible to support the talent industry. "Please do your best to continue to maintain the high e...
Here’s a candid expo to young men about to get married. Okay, those who have just married can also benefit from it. Free of charge! Like one dubious mechanic would say, I won’t charge o. Just remember to ask for my account details, later. Here it goes: “The secret to a good marriage is to be a little deaf!" If you doubt me, ask Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Add dumb and blind, as well, if you may!
Oh, relax, young man! This is not meant to scare you. Marriage is actually enjoyable. There are some immense benefits for you too, as a man. For instance, you stand a better chance of taking new pictures in starched attires every Sunday, after service. That is, if you are a Christian. And, trust me, you can now use the toilet and leave it for her to flush, especially if she calls you “baby”!
In fact, you are even guaranteed a free smiling session in each snap. Rest assured that your wife will be on hand to remind you to “smile” so you don't spoil her picture. Even if you aren't the church-going type, she will make sure you smile for the next picture taken at a party. Gone are the days you ran away from taking pictures and got away with it. Now, you are a qualified candidate for Tiktok, Instagram and the rest. In this era of “monitisation”, you must trend!
Marriage is good, mbok! You will enjoy the attention, before the kids arrive. A tiny piece of fish for you, whenever she feels like cooking. You may even get a piece of the chicken leg you bought to show her love. Better still, you can eat three pieces of chips while she deals with the chicken. Or enjoy the onions inside the suya meat. Oh, if your wife is a playful type, you can even toy with her hairnet, facial cream and body spray, without sanctions from the African Union!
But, brothers, marriage is all pleasurable, until you buy a television and a cable decoder with remote control devices! From that day, you would never know whether NTA has started running on colour. Or whether John Momoh, Cyril Stober and Sienne Allwell-Brown are still there. From that day, you are condemned to Mexican and Asian TV “epidemics” on Zee World, Star Life, Telemundo, TLNovelas, etc.
If there’s no remote, you are safe. By the time she jogs from the sofa to the television, twice, she would be sweating like Christmas goat and breathing like hippopo-somebody. And that would end the news in Ejegham! You can now watch your drab NTA programme in peace, thank you!
See, women tend to think once they are in charge of the remote, they control your heart. And there’s hardly much you can do about it, unless you are ex-boxer Moses Olapade, who reportedly beat his wife into a coma, last year, over a “remote” matter!
Whether you like it or yes, remote control has been the cause of many fights among couples, since it was first developed by Zenith Radio Corporation in 1950. And, according to one idiot, wo(e)men do the remote “takeover” without conscience! Truth is, even if you mount the largest TV set in your wife’s room, the Mexican and Asian dramas shown there can never be as interesting as the one in the very set you are using. Just when you want to watch a football match, or try to pick up Yahaya Bello’s sprint steps in the news, that's when she grabs the remote. If you dare complain, she quotes the United Nations charter against maltreatment of women!
Oh, lest I forget, as a married man, if you are as spineless as I am, you can never lay claim to any room. In fact, you are a tenant in your home. Meanwhile, she commandeers a certain room which she condemns to a store room for her boxes, clothes and shoes. Then, she audaciously moves into your room and occupies every space. You dare not complain, else she reminds you that she was in her father’s house, “jejely”, before you came to
fetch her “ to come and suffer”.
By all means, man, get married! But once you do, your freedom is in check. If you have one car, you involuntarily become her driver. You are automatically condemned to go with her to where you never intended. Funny enough, the society back her. Even if you buy her a car, she can abandon hers to drive yours, anytime she likes. But try driving that same car you bought for her and you are presented with the lamentations of Solomon entitled: “My Car”!
No matter what you do, she wins!
Those who see women as the weaker sex miss the point. Clearly, women have employed tonnes of emotions to enslave the men, the world over. Now, married or single, we are all at their mercy. Unless there's no woman in your space. When I was younger, I used to imagine a world without women. But is that even possible?
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